


Awkward Family Meetings

by girlsarewolves



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Continuity What Continuity, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Magically Back From the Dead, Who Cares About Timelines, if you don't like Patty then don't read, look this is just an excuse to write Vergil having to deal with Patty, who btw I really really love so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 14:39:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2551262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlsarewolves/pseuds/girlsarewolves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Little sisters can be like overprotective chihuahuas. They look tiny and cute and they're yappy. They also bite a lot with their little needle teeth. </p>
<p>(In which Vergil must deal with Patty while Dante goes to retrieve the amulet he gave Trish. Absolute crack, written seriously. Mostly.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Awkward Family Meetings

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I don't even know. I was watching Devil May Cry the anime, lamenting that Vergil wasn't on it (or ever really brought up), wishing Patty could meet him (be forced upon him), and then I wrote this.

* * *

This is a very bad idea.

The two of them sit there in moderate silence for roughly ten minutes before the girl's fidgeting and twitching and blatant curiosity become to much for her to contain. Then the questions start.

"So you're his twin? Where have you been? Why didn't you come back sooner? Dante's never mentioned you. You two don't seem to like each other much, why do you not like each other? Is it because Dante's a slob? That isn't a good excuse not to visit, he's your brother!"

Vergil's teeth grind ever so slightly; his eyelids close, and slow, very slowly, he takes a deep breath.

He does not do children.

"Hey, are you listening to me? You're even grumpier than Dante is."

The child, in her obnoxious frills and bows, is up now - worse, she's coming over. There's not the faintest hint of trepidation or apprehension from her, either, which is downright insulting. She practically sprints over to him, leaning over the arm of the chair to his left; her face leans in close and tilts from side to side, apparently inspecting him.

"Hhm. You don't look like his twin."

Vergil is five seconds from reaching up and pushing the child away from him with a finger when her hand beats his; he blinks, momentarily taken by surprise, as a hand ruffles his hair.

"Oh! Well, now you look just like Dante!" The girl exclaims this in a voice that for some reason, foreign to Vergil's comprehending, sounds delighted at this new discovery.

What on earth does Dante see in this girl?

And what on earth does she see in his twin?

"Want to play poker? If you're as lousy at it as Dante is, I might can make some actual money this time!" The child is back on her side of the table, so fast that Vergil almost misses it - how? this is a human child, when did human children get so fast? - and is digging out a deck of cards despite not even having an agreement yet.

"I'm not one for games."

Her shoulders deflate, and there's a petulant pout making her lip quiver.

Oh, this is wonderful. Vergil thinks he might like to trap Dante in the underworld for ten years as revenge. How did his twin force him into this again? He should simply go and take his pendant back, not wait while Dante asks for it back.

Something in him bristles - for perhaps the tenth time since finding out - at the idea of _his_ pendant being in the hands of _Mundus_ ' wretched, little puppet, traitor to her creator or not. That she was Mundus' was bad enough; the appearance the demon gave her...Vergil can recall moments from that existence that wasn't really his. He remembers staring at her when they crossed paths, not knowing who he was or who she was, not caring at all - except when she looked at him, and then something inside the husk left of him wanted to break.

"Are you ignoring me now? Dante does that sometimes, it's so annoying! Especially with all I do for him!"

Vergil's jaw clenches; he doesn't want to think about years being someone else's puppet, and he doesn't want to listen to this little runt's screeching.

"What could you possibly do for him?"

The little human's spine stiffens, and she puffs her chest out, chin raised in offense. "I keep this place clean, for starters! Your brother's a pig if you didn't know. All he does is eat pizza and strawberry sundaes and play games - well, lose games - and sometimes he takes missions but usually winds up spending all the money on debts and tabs, and he never even says thank you!"

"Strawberry?" Vergil taps a finger on the end of the chair's right arm. "That would be new."

"What do you mean? Strawberry's his favorite!"

_No, chocolate is our favorite. Strawberry is our mother's favorite._

"Well, you probably know my brother better than I do at this point," he says instead; he's not his brother. He's not about to get personal or chatty, especially not with a child. Who can't sit still or be quiet. 

If he was human, he would probably have a headache by now.

"And just whose fault is that, hhm? You know, he never even talked about you! I didn't know he had a brother! You two must have had a big fight or something. You must have really hurt Dante."

There's a new edge to her voice coming through, and her eyes narrow at him as though that means anything to him. But the girl seems to not realize that no matter how much she glares or scolds, Vergil is not about to be affected by a twelve year old human wearing too much pink.

"You had better not hurt him again," she adds, as though she's just trying to prove how pathetic she is at warnings and intimidation.

And, almost amused, Vergil decides to throw back, "Or what?"

"Or I'll get my mother to help me cast a spell to turn your hair pink! And then I'll tie bows in it while you sleep! Then what would all the other demons think of you?"   
It's the most absurd, girlish, childish, petty threat he's ever heard. It's also probably the most embarrassing. 

Vergil's eyes narrow.

Patty smiles and starts shuffling. "Texas Hold 'Em?"

_Brother, if you do not hurry back with my pendant, I'm going to send every earthbound demon there is after you, Anonymously._


End file.
